Waiting on the world to change….

So it’s late, and the only reason I’m up is because I got out of tae kwon do class at 8:20 and that always makes me WIRED AS ANYTHING. Which is just as well, I had a scholarship essay to submit anyway (and maybe I’ll write more on that topic later).

So yes, I’m sitting here, clicking through conceptart.org because I’m bored. Ringling decisions were made for the computer animation/game design majors this time last week. All the kids are waiting for their decision letters. Some know they’re in. Others know they’re not in. Still others… just don’t know.

I’m one of those last ones. And now it’s occurring to me that, maybe rejecting my acceptance last year and deciding to re-apply this year wasn’t such a good idea.

As a courtesy, after I’d made the decision last year I sent a thank you card to my old art professor, just to say how much I appreciated all the help and support she’d been giving me. Upon reading the card she immediately called my house; I wasn’t home so she spoke to my mom. Then she called my cell phone. She got all over me about turning down Ringling, even if I was planning to re-apply the following year. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you don’t pass up things like this, blah blah. She had the same discussion with my mom before calling me. I explained to her that their awards package was a lot less than I was hoping for and I didn’t have the money to attend, and assured her that I planned to apply again. She wasn’t having it. Art school is expensive, find a way to pay for it, don’t give this up, blah blah blah.

Now me and this lady clashed a lot when I was in her program in college. I was bullheaded and arrogant, I’ll admit that now. I decided we walked two completely different tracks, she didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand her. So I was less than impressed by the dialogue. I just didn’t have the money; I couldn’t move the Florida without a plan, I just couldn’t. I’d work a year, at least get some sort of savings started, pay off my bills and all that, and then I’d go.

Now I’m starting to think a little better of her perspective. Time does that to you.

I figured, I was accepted last year, so of course my portfolio will be good enough to be accepted this year. Didn’t even add more art to it, partly because the lady in admissions told me I didn’t need to… partly because I didn’t have much new art of which to speak. Sure, I joked to people, wouldn’t it be horrible if they decided they weren’t going to give me a chance to turn them down AGAIN and just rejected me right off? Wouldn’t that suck?

As the days go by and my decision letter fails to arrive, that joke is turning more and more into a concern. No, I don’t really think they’ll reject me just because of that. Like, “Oh no we remember YOU, you’re the one who applied and then turned us down, we’re not falling for THAT again!”

What worries me is, what if my portfolio was good enough to make the cut last year… but all of this year’s applicants blow me out of the water? I was at the top of the ladder last year… this year I might be dangling from the bottom rung. What if the panel is different, and the reviewers this year didn’t think I have the potential that the reviewers saw last year?

Now I really do see that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When you’re accepted into a program like this, you don’t give them the opportunity to change their minds. You seize the day, open the door when opportunity knocks, blah blah blah….

You don’t let fear and uncertainty slow you down.

Of course, it could be that tomorrow I’ll receive my acceptance and this post will look completely pointless… or it could be that I’ll receive a rejection, and that will suck, because this blog will no longer have a purpose.

How’s this? If I’m accepted, tomorrow I’ll post my portfolio.

Ciao for now.